"wuv, true wuv"

Happy Love Day!

believe in true love. I always have. I don't believe in "the one," or the dream girl/guy, or even necessarily in love at first sight. But I believe in true love. 

I believe that true love does not harbor hatred or anger or malice. It does not provoke or antagonize. It is not petty or light-weight or self-serving. I believe that acting in love is one of the most difficult and most fulfillingly human things we can do with our existence. It is unconditional.

Love looks like parents playing Legos with their child, or like parents resolving conflict and actually talking about how to do so with their kids. Love looks like classmates and friends sticking up for the kid who just came out. Love looks like people protesting the mis- and under-representation of a crime committed against an individual in a minority demographic. Love looks like men and women respecting each other in everything from salary rates to consensual sex. Love looks like the church inviting Tent City onto their property. Love looks like siblings calling one another on the phone.

True love has a lot of different faces, but the amazing thing is that somewhere within us, we have the uncanny ability to instantly recognize each one of those faces. 

But we are not perfect humans. We are not nearly as loving as we would like to be (and that's on a good day). But we are obligated to try, to pursue love, to hold on to and to celebrate the moments where we love each other well in word and in deed, when our intentions match up with our actions. To love is a worthwhile endeavor.

I believe that true love perseveres, which is to say that when we try to love and it goes all wrong, we don't just throw our hands up and say, "That's the last time I try that!" Love is not some emotional pit into which we helplessly fall or some ceramic vase that once shattered can never serve its purpose agin. Love is a choice. We make that choice toward others and toward ourselves; we make that choice for others and for ourselves.

To quote my all-time favorite movie,

El amor no es un sentimiento; es una habilidad. Love is not a feeling; it’s an ability.
— Marty Barasco, Dan In Real Life

 An ability that we all have. I believe that's part of what it means to be human.

When I say that love perseveres, it is not to say that true love accepts or tolerates abuse. The opposite is true. I believe that true love knows when to say when. 

I've been considering how to best respond to the production and release of the 50 Shades of Grey film for the past few days. I think as a human being it is my responsibility to speak out for the protection of other human beings, and that means condemning violence in all of its forms, including sexual objectification. In the words of my articulate and lovely friend Kata Krueger, "Sexual objectification generally portrays men as sexual subjects and women as sexual objects. This objectification of women leads to sexual abuse and domestic violence." I am using my voice to make a stand against a widespread portrayal of sexual objectification by signing  this petition  and I would encourage you to think about doing the same. 


May your love be true, your failures enlightening, and your heart resilient.